Hopeless Romantic

What does it mean to be "in love"? Is it a state of mind or a sensation of feelings elicited to work out the meaning in the form of touch? What makes one person more attracted to the next? Is it physical or does it extend past that reality? These are some of the questions that’s haunted me in the past.

Over the years I've earned the title, "Hopeless Romantic". It was meant to express that I fall in love easily, despite the circumstances that I endured. Ironically, I wear my title with pride. This is not to say that I haven't experienced the pain that's felt at the ending of a love relationship. It's meant to say that I cherish all my experiences; the good and bad.

Life takes you on a journey and I'm an explorer.

I'm the type of person who wants to understand people. I want to know their motivations and motives for things. I want to see how deep their feelings run and how much they are willing to sacrifice to gain the things in life that's most appealing to them. My natural way is to investigate and understand people. That’s why counseling severed as a good career choice for me up until now.

However, as time ticks on and life enfolds before my eyes, the thing that I thought love was has evolved. I mean, I had the basics outlined pretty well. But the presentation of love, of how I envisioned it, was way off.

Society does a great job at providing the vision for us. But to me it seems like that vision is just as skewed as Valentine’s Day, Sweeties Day, and all other man-made holidays. I don't object to the views that society imposes. Who doesn't want 12 dozen roses or chocolates and love notes citing how much you mean to someone on a special day? It's beautiful. It excites all those senses.

My vision 20 years ago entailed something magical right from the fairylands. My prince was perfect. He knew how to say the right thing at the right time. We had the perfect child and lived in our huge house where I cooked, cleaned, parented, and I had a career. We were never snappy or angry. There were no disagreements and our life was perfect.

Fast-forward to current time . . . I had my son before I married. When I did marry, it was not to the father of my son. . .AND! that only lasted one year. I've been in love post marriage, but that doesn't mean that I have something to show for my love. What I have to show is not for the world to know. The details of my transgressions are sacred and magical because it transformed me.

What I've gained, superseded anything I ever thought possible. So, I'll focus on that.

What "love" taught me . . .

1. It is not a separate entity outside of yourself. It's not a parasite that needs to attach to another human being to work or activate.

In other words: I don't have to be "in love" with someone to experience love. It's always present. It's not an entity, it's an energy that resides inside of us.

2. When love is present and not suppressed, it opens doors in your life. I've discovered, on accident upon my journey, that being "in love" with who you are at any given moment opens your creativity. It unblocks your heart.

We all have this misconception that the brain is where our knowledge comes from, but in all actuality, it's the heart that leads us.

Think about every person that's earned a degree. Are they successful? What I mean by success is do they feel fulfilled and as if they are living a life of purpose? Or are they living from their head-space, going through the motions, doing the things that needs to be done to meet a goal? Think about the people that married out of responsibility; because of the kids or for financial stability. Yes, they are in it, and they are making it work, but do they have the spark in their hearts for their efforts?

3. Love doesn't have to look a certain way. Even though I still desire my prince charming, I've decided that what that looks like will be the picture I paint.

It doesn't have to be marriage, the house, and the kids. It could be companionship, honesty, truth, affection, passion, travel . . .you get the point. I don't need to be stuck in a house playing mommy and wife. I don't want my husband to be in a role either. I want him to love me freely, not out of obligation. I want him to be his best self in whatever form that takes.

To be continued . . .

©2019 S.L. Harris