How Did We Get Here?

#Positivity #love is the answer

When does an argument becomes borderline disrespectful? Have you ever gotten to a place in your relationship where you felt like it reached the point of no return? From a woman's point of view, it's that point where the flowers stop coming and the sweet phone calls or text messages start to dwindle down. From a man's perspective it might be when the intimate acts start to diminish from three to four times per week to once a week, if he's lucky. It doesn't have to be a big blow out argument and name calling. It's the subtle things that people take for granted. What is the common denominator that causes such change?

Being married and divorced I can attest to situations like this, but in my case the flowers kept coming along with date nights. And on my part, I made dinner almost every night and our house was very tidy, due to both of our efforts. He was good with my son, and we had gatherings a least once every three months. Everything that I thought that I wanted in a marriage/relationship was there, but in hindsight it was all of the superficial things that I wanted. Sometimes when we visualize what we want for our future, be it a mate, a house, family time, parties- we only look at the surface level.

Our fulfillment doesn't come from things or situations. Our fulfillment comes from a place that no one thing, situation, or person can affect. Our fulfillment comes from something that is within us that is wanting to be explored on our lonely nights. Our fulfillment comes from the days of hard work and sacrifice. Our fulfillment comes from getting through those hard times when we wondered how we would make it through. It comes from the balance that we have in our lives that is sustained not by overthinking, or over analyzing situations, but by doing. By being conscious in the act and not thinking about how stressed, irritated, or frustrated we are, we can focus on the task of being of service to others.

When we stop thinking about how a relationship can benefit us and focus on how we can be of service not just to our mate, but our colleagues, our friends in need, our parents, our siblings, our children, we stop over analyzing our problems and worrying about money, career, relationships, and status in general and we dedicate our time to helping others fulfill a need. It takes you out of the ego mind and focus your attention to the current situation in front of you.

Our job this lifetime is to be of service to each other. If everybody had that mindset, can you just imagine the greatness that our world would experience? The focus would be on love and togetherness instead of fear and separation. The issue with our world is that we are all connected spiritually, yet we let color, social economic status, political parties, differences in opinions, fear, insecurities, and lack divide us. It not only hurts the person you're directing your anger and frustration towards, it hurts the very soul that is directing the anger. Then what begins to happen is that anger, fear, and lack fuses into other situations that originally had nothing to do with it, and that causes confusion in all of our connections with people.

If we could just stop, on our worst day, and think of positive things to pour out into the world, that alone would counteract negative energies. That positive idea or thought could be a little energy exerted to healing the world and ourselves. Our goal should be healing our relationships with people.

How did we get here? How did we get to this place in our relationships? Look at the news on television and all of the negativity coming out of the screen. Look at social media, and at how the world lacks compassion in general. When we look at relationships we are looking at the state of being connected, the way in which two or more people or organizations behave in relation to one another. The deeper the understanding of the connection, the better you can relate to one another. Hence, the better the emotional state of all parties. If we looked deeper, we could understand why a person chose one position over another.

If we try to understand, instead of judge, we can disagree but from a more, "I understand where you are coming from, but I disagree" perspective, instead of "I can't believe that you feel this way, you idiot!" perspective.

Coming from a psychological background, I could go into different scenarios in regards to personality types, but on a spiritual level, it doesn't matter who the person thinks they are and what they think they feel, what matters is that we are connected in a way that makes a difference not just with our personal lives but with all those we come in contact with. How much better would the world be if, you could offer a simple smile, or a perky, "Good morning or afternoon" or "Have a nice day", or lend a hand with helping someone carry groceries to the car, without being employed by the store? By just offering assistance in any way that would make a difference somehow and some way in someone's life, through an act of kindness instead of acting out of hate, hatred, or haterism we would see love, respect, peace, and happiness spread like never before. But it starts with one person making a choice to do good.

When I asked my ex-husband why he was so angry or upset all the time, he said, he focused his energy too much on his job, which was a source of stress for him. When he came home, he didn't have enough time to devote to the positives because he was so irritated by backtracking and overthinking situations that had already occurred. I'm not saying that we shouldn't process how we feel, but there have to be a point where we let it go. My ex added to the stress of overthinking on negative situations, having nothing to do with us, yet it affected our relationship with one another in a negative way.

How do you let go? Stay tuned to blog number 2, "The Art of Letting Go".

Written and copyrighted by S.L. Harris

©2018 S.L. Harris