Breaking Cycles

Over the years, I've learned so much from my own life experience and through that of others. The profession I serve in has reinforced a lot of concepts about the type of position we put ourselves in. This blog, just as every blog I write is written from the standpoint of love, honesty and openness and with the intent to help someone understand themselves better.

It's not "comfortable" to look at yourself in a not so bright light. But, in order to grow we have to look at the whole picture of who we are, and take an honest assessment of our strengths and our weaknesses. By honest assessment, I mean, holding your ego at bay so that you can understand the truth of the situation.

Our strengths remind us of our power. Our weaknesses remind us on what we need to work on to improve ourselves. This is an ongoing cycle that I call "The Reinvention of Self". Each time we improve on us, we grow into who we are meant to be. No one has ever gotten anywhere in life standing still or repeating the same mistake over and over again. How could you know what you want to improve on, if you don't acknowledge the thing(s) that you are lacking in? In order to come out of a cycle, you have to get clear on what's not working, and make a decision on what you plan to do to remedy the situation.

Growth is all about stepping outside of your comfort zone. We all have a role this lifetime which is to be a teacher and a student. We have lessons to teach and some to learn. This is interchangeable throughout life, no matter the age or stage. It is what I call the water to the plant. The plant is us, the water is the experience.

We need our experiences to nourish and expand our consciousness. As we grow, old parts of ourselves shed away, and new buds sprout in its place. As the old shed and make room for the new, some of us have trouble parting with the dead leaves. We must become aware of our feelings in regard to these things. Ask yourself as you review:

1. "What am I trying not to look at?"

2. "What don't I want to accept?"

Knowing the answer to these questions is half the battle.

Once we get past those questions, we can focus our attention on the new buds sprouting in our life, instead of the dead leaves that have fallen away. But before we get to that point, we need to acknowledge what went wrong, accept it, and give thanks to the experience, then let it go.

In order to get clear on situations before we let it go, we have to do a sort of inventory and Explore, just as a doctor would ask questions to get to the root of the problem, so should we when trying to derive a deeper meaning from our experiences. You could start by exploring these questions:

1. "What did I like about the way I handled the situation?"

2. "What could I improve on next time?"

3. "How can I improve?"

These questions allow you to view the situation in its entirety. It also allows healing and growth to be present by being able to critique yourself on your process.

When we ask these questions, we allow ourselves access to the "objective truth" of the matter. You may say things like:

1. I may not have handled this situation gracefully, but next time I will do . . ..

2. I am not happy with how this turned out. Next time I will aim towards . . .

3. I'm unclear on what I want, so I'm going to take time to focus my intention and come back to this.

4. I didn't mean to say what I said, I said it in anger, so next time I'm going to think about how that affects this person before I speak.

In essence, when saying these things we learn how to deal with the issues more effectively. We are reprogramming our minds towards a higher consciousness.

The Steps:

We review our situation, accept what we did, explore other alternatives to the situation, and learn how to improve the next time.

Review + Accept + Explore + Learn = Growth

Growth = Completion of a Cycle

Completion of a Cycle = Leveling UP!

When you grow, you learn your lesson and you move on to the next level. Like Ciara songs says, "Level Up!" This is how we break unhealthy cycles of co-dependency. I think the hardest part is accepting our actions. If we can't get through all four steps, we get stuck, we become stagnant and it will appear that we have regressed.

The reason that people get stuck is due to guilt.

Stay tuned to my next blog that addresses guilt and how to deal with it.

©2019 S.L. Harris