The Reinvention of Self through the Art of Letting Go

#selflove #positive #spirituality

As a young girl I wanted to be an Architect. I loved looking at buildings and wondering how they were constructed. I remember going to Chicago to look at Frank Lloyd Wright's home and thinking, I want to be able to design something and then see the structure built. That would bring me so much gratification. As time went on I changed my major from architecture to construction management, then to business management, and finally ending up in psychology. In my young mind, I had it all planned out, but life taught me something different. My experiences begin to shape me into who I would become this life time.

As I was going to school, I was also dating and experiencing heart break. I was going through the loss of a step-parent, who I had strong ties to, and I was discovering who I was. In this process, I felt like I was losing myself or losing what I thought life was about and what I wanted from it. I was so consumed with the anxiety attacks that I was trying to manage, along with going to my classes, working full time, and grieving. My anxiety attacks became full blown panic attacks, which then became a panic disorder. I discovered this on one of my many trips to the ER. I literally developed a fear of having another attack, which ironically caused the panic attacks to occur. Anyone who has ever had anxiety knows that the attacks feed on fear. I was one fear filled girl.

What begin to happen . . . I started counseling. My counselor was wonderful, not because she had all of these techniques from Adler, Jung, or Freud. But because I could feel that she genuinely cared about my wellbeing. See, that's that compassion I'm talking about. I could feel her need to help in my process of healing. Her ability to hold that intention of healing came from love and compassion on her part, and it gave me the opportunity to learn how to love.

As I was driving one afternoon from Ypsilanti to Detroit (from Eastern Michigan University back home) a message came to me. It said, Love is the answer. When I heard the message, it expanded past my auditory senses, and a feeling of peace covered my entire body. I understood the message on so many levels. Love and fear cannot co-exist. You can't have love and fear in your heart simultaneously. One cancels out the other and it leaves you nowhere.

As time when on, through my continued counseling sessions, I learned how to love myself in a way that no one else could (that included all of my imperfections). You see, we are always looking for love outside of us. Love starts within. When you feel comfortable with you, you are able to fully experience the world around you. You view things differently. You seek things differently. Imagine how much free time you would have if your mind space was cleared of the clutter of thinking, What if, I should have, I could have. . . Imagine how you would feel and what you could do if you didn't doubt yourself, if you didn't talk negative to yourself, yet you believe in who God created you to be and you loved that person, unconditionally. Imagine what you would attract. We attract what our inner self says about us.

I remember during that time of finding my way, my friends would say, Shon, you keep changing your major. You keep switching jobs. You keep, you keep! I would respond, Well, when I learn better, I want to do better. I am constantly reinventing myself, learning how to move on past one life lesson to another. When I do that, what I think I want shifts, and normally it's for the better. That's called growth. We can only grow through our experiences--the good and bad ones.

I view my experiences here on earth as life lessons and I bless each and every experience, because they teach you who you are. You learn what you are willing to accept and what you're not willing to accept. You gain knowledge one way or another, and as things relate to your relationships with others, you learn more about who you are.

So, when I had that bad breakup from my first love. It was hard. I was devastated. I didn't understand why he would do what he did to me. But after I got past the initial hurt, and I must admit it took a while, I forgave him. I forgave myself for thinking that I did anything wrong in the first place. Sometimes we are our worst critics. I looked at the situation, saw it for what it was (an experience). I thanked my ex (mentally) for the involvement, cherished the good parts, and gave the bad parts to God. I let it go. Of course, the cycle repeated itself, but each relationship I experienced (not just intimate relationships, but friendships, and acquaintances) they taught me something valuable about who I was becoming as a person. It put me in a place of understanding, patience, and seeking. What I realized is that everything that I was looking to gain, I already had inside of me. I would have never known that, had I not had the life that I had.

I cherish my experiences because life does not occur in a vacuum. Life is about interaction and exchange. It's about what you are willing to experience and what you are willing to grow from. . .

I'm not saying that I wouldn't been a great architect. What I'm saying is that, in a way I am an architect. I'm in the field of art that involves human services and communication, which allows me to assists in the formation of conscious thought and positive energy. Instead of constructing blue prints for buildings, my goal is to build up the emotional and spiritual-self through the conscious act of self-discovery which is found through love. Love is the answer.

I'm going to end with this, I start my day by asking, how can I be of service? And at the end of my day, during one of my times of silent prayer, I ask God to help me release any energies that are not of my highest good. I ask that the energy be transmuted to love. I hold the intent that it is done, and so it is. Having faith in the process is half the battle.

Stay tuned for Blog # 3 What Does Faith Look Like?

Written and copyrighted by S.L. Harris

©2018 S.L. Harris