Trust

Trust can be defined as when one person is willing to rely on the actions of another person. The situation is typically directed toward a future goal.

There are three different forms of trust:

1. The first is being vulnerable to someone. An example is opening yourself up to loving someone. You trust the person will honor who they say they are and what they hope to accomplish with you.

2. The second is the distinguishing aspect of a person that inspire positive beliefs in the other person. An example of this may be thinking, I trust that this person has my best interest in mind, so I'm going to follow their advice or guidance.

3. The third is the propensity to be able to rely on someone. That a person proves to be who they say they are, and do what they say they will do consistently, and not just for a period of time.

Trust is something that is given willingly, but can be lost by the violation of one of the above factors. Once it is lost, it can be very hard to redeem. So how can we maintain trust?

TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP

Trust is said to be in a relationship when each partner feels that they can depend on each other, and have confidence in the other person. It's a feeling of being physically and emotionally safe. It is not a welcome package given to the partners upon the start of the relationship, it involves both companions to build it. Yet, it is very vital to the relationship because any relationship without it is doomed to fail.

As a brake is very vital in a car, so is trust in a relationship.

Often times while driving, as we are speeding along, there is always the thought that something might come out into the middle of the road suddenly; like a deer or a child running in front of the car. So we try to drive as safely as we can, by having the confidence in our reflexes and the quality of the breaking system in our cars. We have confidence that we can quickly judge and react to a sudden onset of a hazardous situation, and react appropriately. We depend on our instincts and the vitality of a brake system in our cars.

So, how does it apply in our relationships? No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Being able to trust your partner is like depending on your instincts and your breaking system in your car. As human beings, we are not flawless and there can be malfunctions in the mechanical systems of cars. Yet, we trust enough to get on the road in a vehicle and drive. We are prepared to adjust our driving to keep things safe for us and the people around us. But ultimately, we trust in the mechanics and operation of the car that the breaks will work, the gears will change, the lights will turn on, etc. If we were not assured that every time we entered our car, that these things would work, would we be so willing to take the risk and drive?

There is a certain amount of trust we put into the engineers who design our cars, and in the motor company's mechanics who build them, and factories who puts warranties on them. If we didn't have the guarantee that the general steering and everything connected to the steering would work properly, would we invest in such a vehicle? If you couldn't trust in the manufacture that built your car, would you buy it, better yet drive it?

Trust is a vital ingredient in our relationships.

WHAT IF THE TRUST FAILS?

Knowing that our breaks doesn't really give us a 100% assurance of being active when we meet something suddenly on our way driving, and our trust not giving us 100% assurance of a perfect relationship. What happens when our brakes fail us, or when our partner that we trust fails us? This stage gives us two unavoidable questions: (1) Should we just dispose of our car or relationship? (2) Should we try fixing it?

The answer depends on how damaged the car/relationship is and how willing you are to fix up the damage. Knowing that you are not going to dispose of your car, because of a little damage, leaves you with an option of fixing it. Same applies to when our relationship gets damaged, due to failure of trust. The amount of damage should determine if the relationship is fixable or not.

I believe that no relationship is beyond fixing when two "partners" are willing and committed to fixing it. When a relationship is presented with obstacles, it is important to know that this is necessary in order to grow the relationship. When certain scenarios come up such as non-truths, or not following through on certain actions or promises, or changes in behaviors for the worse as far as attitude is concerned, it negatively affects the other person. It affects what the other person thought the relationship was built on. Everything starts to fall apart in the other person's mind and heart. The trust that was once there, is now replaced with anger, frustration, and sadness. So where do you go from here?

A relationship is the state in which two or more people are connected.  What was once a mutually agreed upon romance and love has now turned to a divided mess of who did what wrong and why. "How could he do this to me?" Why did she change?" So the opposed become the enemy. The mutual respect and trust is out the door and you feel divided. Now, this part is important: If the person who has caused the damage refuses to see their part in the problem, walk away. As this says a lot about who they are, which falls in the category of abusive. But, if the person openly recognizes their mistakes and try to make amends for them, and if you care about your spouse, try to learn forgiveness and practice it. As it will only make your bond that much stronger. Don't relent on helping your partner through this process of fixing the relationship. Just because one person may have caused the damage, doesn't mean that he/she should be punished going forward in the relationship. As a relationship involves two people. Two willing parties to engage in action. And if the action is in the positive direction, meaning one party admits their faults and the other party works on building the trust and forgiving them, you are on the right track.

After a damaged relationship the question comes up, "Will I ever trust again?" This question can be answered depending on the decision you make in regards to what you did after your trust had been violated.

Did you stay to fix the relationship or did you walk away? Did you try to work through your issues or did you give up? Did the situation cause you to feel more doubt about people and violate your trust to the point of no return? Remember that every situation has a lesson. So, take the lesson and let the other stuff go. Keep the love and let go of the anger, because doubt and negative emotions has ruined many relationships. Everything depends on how you react to the situation.

Not trusting again can make you decide not to be in any relationship again. It can also make you ruin every other relationship you get in going forward due to your lack of trust. Remember that no good relationship is without trust. But learning to understand that no relationship is perfect, and not every relationship will be as bad as your previous relationship, can help you to see reason to trust again.

When you trust again two sure facts is involved; is either your current relationship is better than your previous relationship, or your current relationship is worse than your previous relationship. So if you find yourself in a better relationship, ensure that you enjoy it. But if you get yourself in another bad relationship, just take it as part of life's experience and move on knowing that you can still have a better one someday if you give it a chance.

So, in conclusion, no time is ever to late to build trust. Trust knows no age, or how broken we have been, all that is required is for you to allow the process to take place.

Happy trust building.

Article by Cupid and Psyche

©2018 S.L. Harris